P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
