one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
