How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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