OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
