I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
