Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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