They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
