Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
