Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
