When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
