OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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