My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I could make wine with my vomit
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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