it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize