I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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