Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
