What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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