Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
