and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
