Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
