nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
