Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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