I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
