You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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