Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
