Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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