i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
