Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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