Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
