covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
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i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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