College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
