i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
