the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
