Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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