I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
