I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
