She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
