how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
