you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
