that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
