So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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