It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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