My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
