We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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