I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
