I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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