I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize