Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
