i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
