I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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