Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
