i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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