who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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