either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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