sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
