You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
