some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
