matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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