i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
