Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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