Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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