someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize