He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
