remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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