hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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