I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
