dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
worst night to have a conscience
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
