winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
