He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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