dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
