All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
