whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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