Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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