So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
