Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
